Reflection of My Mom

(I love this picture of my mom and dad. It was taken shortly after they were married. I'm not sure what the red marks are. The picture has been kept in her small cedar chest.  My dad died in 1988)

My mom is coming to stay with us for a week while I recuperate.  My husband and boys are headed to SeaTac to pick her up.

I love it when my mom visits.  She enjoys going to my boys' baseball games and swapping wise cracks with my husband.  Its nice.  She also goes through my house like Mr. Clean on estrogen and steroids. And since I've been on bed rest, my house has become a sty!  She's going to have her work cut out for her.

My mom and I haven't always had such a great relationship.  When I was young she was abusive both verbally and physically.  But you know what?  God is so good!  Because of Him, I can honestly say my mom is my best friend. 

I was thinking about this last night.  I wonder how many times my mom wished she could pal around with me and go shopping, like we do these days?  We would sit and play solitaire together every now and then...I wonder how many other opportunities like that were missed because I was too busy exercising my 'right' to wallow in teenage angst?  You see, I had been wronged so I felt my anger was justified. I kept that anger for several years.

What I didn't know then, and she hasn't admitted, is that I'm sure she felt guilty.  I've spent a good chunk of my career as a mother overcoming my upbringing...I should say...hanging on to my anger and unforgiveness.  Because of that I have managed to make some of the same mistakes with my kids, only to a lesser degree.  But lesser degree or not, the guilt is unbearable.

My mom and I don't ever talk about those early years.  For a while I thought we needed to, but we don't. 

God, in His sovereignty, changed my heart. I literally woke up one morning and realized the only thing I wanted to do was love and enjoy my mom. 

I made her a quilt to celebrate. 

I'm a lot like my mom; something my sister often tells me (not always nicely, I might add).  But you know what?  I'm glad.  I bear it proudly.

My mom had to leave her family in Illinois when she moved to Colorado with my dad.  She had no help while she was raising four kids.  My dad, an accountant, was not involved much with the raising of us kids, especially during tax season.  But she did what she knew how to do; she ran our house like a tight ship.  She had to. I'm sure she longed for her family back in Illinois a lot of the time. 

I am like her in this respect in that my husband is in the Navy.  We have never lived near family.  I have had times when I had to be both mom and dad.  I've been lonely for a mom's wisdom on many occasions.  I've longed for the companionship of my sister.   

Over the years my mom has shown me that she can relate to my struggles as a Navy wife.  It is because of this that I have come to understand the struggles she went through as a young mother.  And while she never admits that she was lonely, I often wonder if it wasn't through loneliness that she, like me, learned to fine solace in being alone.

We are closer because our lives are so similar. I kind of like that.

So, how else am I like my mom?:

• I keep a nice clean house.
• I can multi-task like no other woman I have ever seen.
• I clean as I cook so when dinner is done, the kitchen is darn-near spotless.
• I know Pier One and Crate and Barrel are the best places to go for home decor.
• I view eating out at restaurants as part of life, not a luxury.
• I clean my dryer's lint screen every time I fold a load of laundry.
• I have a deep need to own every kitchen appliance and gadget known to the cooking world.
• I'm a right-wing conservative.
• I drink my tea straight. None of that "sweet tea" nonsense.
• I enjoy being by myself.
• I love watching movies.
• I, like her, married a man who loves golf and airplanes.

Well, her plan has landed. I can't wait to see her.

Comments

[Kathleen]

It's a good feeling when you can put old hurts aside, even though it can take years to get there. I hope you enjoy your visit with your mom, I'm sure you'll welcome the help. How are you doing with the sewing sites?

[Lynn]

I haven't had a chance to get through all the sewing sites yet. So far they're awesome!

[autum]

This is a beautiful post. Forgiveness is almost always more of a gift to the forgiver. When you can let go of hurt it allows your heart to heal. It's so nice that you and your mom are close now.