Confession time: If you were to ask some of my closest friends to describe me, Joyful probably wouldn't be the first word they would come up with. Obnoxious; yes. Mildly sarcastic...o.k., predominately sarcastic; yes. But joyful? Unfortunately, no.
As a Christian woman, this is a problem. What better way to destroy my testimony than to walk around looking as if something crawled up my sleeve and died. I'm not exactly sure when my Approach-At-Your-Own-Risk persona emerged, but I do remember one day, in my twenties, when a man walking past me said, "Smile." I glared at him as I thought, "Do I always have to look like Mary Poppins? I'm not in a bad mood!" But how is anyone to know?
My son also has a demeanor issue. He looks like he's irritated or pouting even when he's not. I have told him on several occasions to work on his countenance so that others don't think he's a grump. "Just smile," I say. "It won't hurt you." Of course, after my speech, the plank protruding from my eye takes out the china cabinet, dents the wall, and snags on the curtains.
But perpetuating a sullen attitude, I have found, is nothing more than a cop-out and a very bad habit. It keeps me from having to volunteer to help others. And since I'm not an overly social person, it keeps me from having to get bogged down in small talk of which, Mary Poppins or not, I'm no big fan. And, most sadly, it bleeds into my family and starts showing itself in my children's attitudes. Bottom line: It has kept me pretty insulated from the rest of world, trashed my witness in and outside of my home, and made me one step below useless to the family of God. Bottom line below the bottom line: It breeds ungratefulness.
So I have come up with a very simple solution: I'm going to get over it. Then I'm going to solve world hunger.
Yep, that's it. I'm not sure how easy this will be, but with God's grace, I'm going to re-invent myself. And where will I start? I'm going to finally start behaving as God has instructed in His word...Obedience anyone?
Truth be told, I really don't have anything to be that grumpy about. Sure, I want to be out of the rainy Pacific Northwest and back in Oklahoma so bad I can feel the red dirt sticking to my sun tan lotion, but that will be remedied in a mere four months. And how can I, in good conscience, walk around sans smile when God continually extends his grace to me? Only a fool would. And I've been that fool.
Oh yea, this New Me is going to feel embarrassingly fake, but I'm going to give it my best shot. Besides, perfect strangers who will be blessed by my warm smile and kind words will never know that deep inside I feel like I'm auditioning for the lead role in Heidi. I trust God. By His grace, my heart will follow my actions.
